


What Ifs

by Louise_panda_Belcher



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louise_panda_Belcher/pseuds/Louise_panda_Belcher
Summary: "Val, the world is full of what ifs and we’ll never know what would have happened or what will happen. All I know is that we have a chance to be together right now."
Relationships: Valentina Carvajal/Juliana Valdés
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	What Ifs

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how good this is, but enjoy!
> 
> all mistakes are my own and i apologize for them.
> 
> I don't own these characters or any of the other characters that are mentioned.

Juliana walked down the street, her eyes glazed over with tears that wouldn’t fall.

How could this happen? How could she have not seen this coming? If this was something Valentina had been going through, how could she not have noticed?

_“I can’t, Juliana. We can’t do this anymore.” Valentina said through the tears streaming down her cheeks._

_“Please,” Juliana pleaded. “Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what I can do to fix this!” she said as her voice cracked._

_“Just go, Juliana.” Valentina said softly, her back to Juliana and Juliana’s heart broke again at how resigned Valentina sounded. “Go away and forget about me.”_

Juliana still remembers it clearly and it keeps replaying in her mind every time she closes her eyes. This isn’t how things are supposed to be. They should be together and happy. She should be holding Valentina tightly, not missing her like there’s a part of her missing. They should be holed up in one of their rooms watching movies and cuddling instead of being apart.

They’ve only been together for a few months but the feelings Juliana has for the tall blue eyed girl make it seem like they’ve been together for years. Just the thought of her sets Juliana’s heart thumping wildly in her chest, and she just can’t deny that there’s something else going on that Valentina isn’t telling her. There has to be another reason because Juliana is positive that Valentina wouldn’t have broken up with her for no reason.

There’s something else going on in Valentina’s head and she’s going to figure it out because she wants her girlfriend back. Juliana furrowed her brow and a determined look settled in her dark eyes as she stopped on the sidewalk. She ran back home to get her bike before setting off to Valentina’s house.

* * *

As she made her way to Valentina’s house, Juliana remembered just a few weeks ago when they had a rooftop date.

_Juliana led Valentina up the stairs carefully, looking back to make sure that she still wore the blindfold. She briefly squeezed Valentina’s hand before she let her go to finish lighting the few candles that were left._

_It wasn’t much, but Panchito had let her use the roof of his restaurant for the night and she was eternally grateful for having such a nice step-father who accepted her and her relationship with Valentina. He helped her set up the fairy lights that hung loosely from a couple of posts around the building and with getting their food ready._

_There were candles on the ground marking out a makeshift dance floor and she hoped that simple set up showed Valentina how much she cared for her, how much she loved her._

_Putting out the lighter in her hand, she moved closer to Valentina and held her hand. “Are you ready?” she asked softly._

_Valentina nodded with a soft smile and Juliana helped her pull off the blindfold. Juliana watched as Valentina took in the rooftop, music playing softly from a stereo a few feet away. Valentina’s eyes widened in awe, her mouth falling open slightly before a wide happy grin took over her features. She pulled Juliana into a tight hug that led to many kisses on lips and cheeks, leaving both girls giggling under the setting sun._

_They ate while talking about their day, laughing at their jokes, then falling into a comfortable silence as they watched the sun set below the horizon. When the sun had fully disappeared, Juliana helped Valentina up and spun her around gently swaying to the music. Valentina had pulled her in close, wrapping her arms around Juliana’s waist and breathing her in softly._

_Juliana pulled away slightly to look into Valentina’s baby blue eyes and was struck silent by the adoration and love that flowed through the taller girl’s eyes. “I love you,” she stuttered, her words getting stuck in her throat, so she repeated them, and Valentina’s responding smile outshone the fairy lights around them._

She wanted that back. It couldn’t have disappeared in the two weeks since their date. That kind of love doesn’t just go away without a warning. Juliana growled and pedaled harder.

* * *

She rushed past Silvina as soon as the front door was pulled open, a soft apology thrown over her shoulder as she rushed up the stairs to Valentina’s bedroom.

Once she was in front of Valentina’s door, she hesitated. Her hand was ready to knock but her body wouldn’t move. What if this was a mistake, what if Juliana was wrong and they were better off being apart. What if. What if… there’s always going to be a what if. The little voice in her back of her head told her. Juliana swallowed thickly before moving her hand to rap gently against the door.

She heard a soft reply telling her to go away, but she couldn’t leave. She knocked harder on the door and waited. “Val!” she called out loudly, hoping that the other girl would hear her.

“I told you to stay away, Juliana!” Valentina cried out loudly. Juliana felt her heart break over again at the pain she could hear from the other girl. She knocked again; she couldn’t just leave Valentina without trying one more time. “I told you to forget about me!” Valentina shouted as she pulled the door open and Juliana was taken aback by the other girl’s state. Her hair was a tangled mess and her clothes were rumpled and her eyes were red from the tears.

“Bullshit,” Juliana said flatly, her gaze steady even as the tears built in her eyes again. Valentina took in a shaky breath and turned away from her and stepped back into her room, Juliana followed after her, softly closing the door behind her.

“Leave,” Valentina whispered so quietly Juliana wasn’t sure she had even said it.

“No,” she countered as she stood just behind Valentina as she looked out into the back yard. “I’m not leaving until you tell me why,” her voice wavered.

“I can’t do this anymore, Juls,” Valentina whimpered, sitting on the couch under her window.

“It isn’t because you don’t love me,” Juliana said. “You wouldn’t call me Juls if you didn’t love me.” She sat on the floor beside Valentina, taking care to not touch the other girl, knowing it would only make this conversation harder for both of them. Valentina remained silent, her gaze resolutely focused on the world outside. “Just tell me, please,” she begged, her hands held tightly in her lap.

“The whole world seems to be against us,” Valentina answered softly. “Eva has been the worst and I don’t want us to fight every time we see each other. Everyone at school has something to say and I’m tired of having to look over my shoulder, scared that they might do something.”

“We’ve never cared what other people think of us,” Juliana tried, weakly.

“But I do!” Valentina responded loudly. “I’ve always cared, and my family cares and I just want everyone to leave me alone.” She lost the fight in her almost as soon as she’d started but Juliana could sense that there was truth to her words. “I never cared when it was just the two of us,” she started, softer this time. “But out there, everyone is looking at me and I just can’t take it anymore. Everyone tells me that we’re too young and that it’s just a phase, and there’s a part of me that believes them.”

Juliana nodded her head once, closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. “Did you know that scientists thought gentoo penguins mate for life?” she asked softly.

“Juls,” Valentina murmured. “What are you doing?”

“But they found out that about 20% don’t.” she carried on as if Valentina hadn’t said anything. “Which I think, or at least, it makes sense, that the ones who do mate forever are making a choice. Like my mom and dad.” she finished.

“You parents are divorced,” Valentina, huffed, lightly and Juliana could hear the slightest hint of a laugh.

“I’m trying to win you back, not start a fight about how I just plagiarized a movie,” Juliana replied, with a light chuckle, even as a couple tears slipped down her cheeks. “But seriously,” she started, more serious, “I’ve always known. About… you know,” she said, trailing off and smiled when Valentina nodded her understanding. “And I know it’s all new to you, but I want to be with you for as long as you want me.” She kneeled and turned to look at Valentina.

“This,” she took Valentina’s hand, “us, we are the only ones that matter.” She stared up into Valentina’s beautiful gaze. “Everyone else can go to hell, Val. I want you and you want me, and I think that’s enough for us to fight to be together.”

“What if they’re right,” Valentina argued. “What if we’re too young to know, what if- what if it really is just a phase?”

Juliana moved closer, now looking directly into Valentina’s eyes. “What if Lexa hadn’t saved Clarke, what if Kara hadn’t met Lena, what if Cosima hadn’t trusted Delphine? Val, the world is full of what ifs and we’ll never know what would have happened or what will happen. All I know is that we have a chance to be together right now.” Juliana could feel that she was getting to Valentina, the fight was slowly coming back to her eyes and hope burned brightly in her chest. “Eva might not like it, but she’ll just have to deal with it. And if it’s just a phase then she can have the satisfaction in knowing she was right.”

“Don’t ever say that again,” Valentina said, her voice sharp and serious.

“Fine,” Juliana chuckled softly. “But Val, for the chance to be by your side, I would storm the dark city itself,” she finished with a terrible accent.

“You need to stop,” Valentina huffed, wiping at the drying tears on her cheeks.

Juliana felt her entire being relax at the action that was followed by a soft smile. “What, you don’t like all of my references?” she carefully stood up and smiled shyly when she felt Valentina tugging at her to lay next to her. “Or is it that you just can’t keep up? I have others, you know. What if you were my grandmother in another life?”

“No,” Valentina whined. “I don’t want to be your grandmother.”

“I don’t want you to be my grandmother either,” Juliana laughed lightly. Juliana moved so she now straddled Valentina’s thighs and she hovered over the tall brunette. Blue eyes gazed deeply back into hers and Juliana could just feel that they would be okay.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Valentina whispered into the space between them. Juliana raised a brow with a smirk. “Again? Please?”

“On one condition,” Juliana said, shifting her weight between her hands. “You once told me to let myself be loved,” She continued only when Valentina nodded, remembering the time early in their friendship when this happened. “I want you to promise to let yourself be loved, even if it isn’t me.”

“I only want it to be you.”

Juliana laughed softly but nodded. “Okay, but you have to promise.” She brought her hand between their bodies and held out her pinky finger.

Valentina glanced down at the offered finger and grinned. “Promise.” She wrapped her own pinky finger around Juliana’s and kissed their joined hands.

Juliana smiled and pulled her hair over her shoulder before leaning down to gently kiss Valentina, her girlfriend. She knew that they would be okay now.

**Author's Note:**

> to whom it may concern, I am still alive and I have not forgotten about my other works. I just have major writer's block and with this whole pandemic it's been hard to write from home. I'm trying to get back into writing again, but for now, I hope this is good for now.


End file.
